Struggling to Fly
by scryoko
Summary: [developing 1x2x3.] Being an outcast in society, Duo struggles with only what little he has to cope with life in the present. However, unwanted problems about his past begin to arise that may prevent him from having any future at all...
1. Part 01

+ Title: Struggling to Fly  
  
+ Author: sailor c. ryoko  
  
+ Rating: R  
  
+ Pairings: 1+/x3. 1+2. 3+2. (eventual 1x2x3). 5x4. past Tsuberov x Une (.).  
  
+ Ages: Une is 33. Tsuberov is 40.  
  
+ Email: maxwells02demon@yahoo.com  
  
+ Warnings: shounen-ai/yaoi. threesome. Duo POV. lots o' angst. OOC. in some ways... TWT.. (sorta). language. unrequited love (at first) on Duo's part. some action (i think..). post-war. EW never occurred.  
  
+ Disclaimer: I, apparently, do not own Gundam Wing.  
  
+ Notes: this is my first threesome.. so... please go easy on me. ^^ and um.. Tsuberov knows martial arts *real* good-either can match g-boys or surpass 'em.. I think... ^^;; plus.. yea, I know. Tsuberov x Une?? o.O ..but I had to find someone who was would fit the part as mean and was older.. sorry for those of you who like Une.. ^^;; ..note: it is, however, *past* Tsuberov x Une as stated.  
  
+ Synopsis: Being an outcast in society, Duo struggles with only what little he has to cope with life in the present. However, unwanted problems about his past begin to arise for the braided beauty that may prevent him from having any future at all.  
  
*****  
  
Part 01  
  
*****  
  
Two. hundred. credits.  
  
Piece'a shit, man. I'only got two hundred frickin' credits left!  
  
I let out a long sigh; one being 'cause of the fact that I was whining (good lord, I was *whining*..), and two being of the realization that struck when I was done calculating what little money I have left. Jeez, why couldn't it be like a couple hundreds years ago when a whole meal of food cost only a buck or two?? If it was, hell, I'd be rich with two hundred credits. But instead, noo~.. stupid goods and services gotta keep up with inflation. Damn stupid inflation-okay, so I was whining again. Sue me.  
  
--Shuddup.  
  
A glare.  
  
..But y'know... I've often wondered over and over with the same stupid question stuck in my head for the past two weeks, berating and frustrating myself to no end every time I question myself: why the hell don't I just give up and join the Preventers like what Heero and the others had done? I mean, think about it. Why the hell would one wanna agonize and exasperate himself considerably, knowing that in this damn society, it'd take a frickin' miracle to have anyone hire an ex-gundam pilot for a job.  
  
I plopped down onto my bed, lying on my stomach and let out an exhausted groan.  
  
Yeah.. I know. Pretty stupid thing to be getting myself all worked up over, huh? I rolled over onto my back and tucked my hands under my head, staring at nothing in general. Perhaps, in a different situation, I suppose.. but when you have almost the whole goddamn Earth Sphere hating you're guts for who you are-correction: *were*, I think just "getting myself worked up" would be but a trivial thing to do.  
  
Sometimes.. I still can't believe that it was only three months ago-two months after the end of the war-that a surprisingly undead Tsuberov had risen from the grave. But then again, when I wake up to reality and reflect back on all the things he's done that has caused anything but contentment towards the five of us, yeah.. okay. I can believe it. Hm.. I could still recall the day when I turned on the vid screen and my eyes widened in surprise as I saw the news reporter suddenly talking about him and then the screen shifting to his ugly face as he stood on a stage behind a podium, opening his mouth, ready to make his damn speech. To say at the least, I was totally pissed off when he had finished speaking ten minutes later-it'd taken the slam of a door (that broke its hinges, might I add), a seven-block run to the beach, the release of a loud-ass scream of frustration followed by a half-hour swim in the ocean, and a three hour 'ponder-and-reflect' mode before I was able to get rid of the fury and the distraught that bubbled within me. Yeah.. I was *that* pissed-that... upset.  
  
Y'wanna know what made it all the worse though?  
  
..The frickin' people's reactions to his speech.  
  
Okay.. I swear, I would tell you what he'd said in the first place but then, I'd be just wasting my breath, droning on and on about all of the bullshit that'd come out of his mouth. To just sum it all up-plus the majority of the people's reactions-in simpler terms?... Let's just say that he's convinced them (from Romafeller's attack on the Cinq Kingdom during the war) that Relena's total pacifistic ways are a truckload of bullshit and the Earth Sphere needs military armed soldiers patrolling the streets to-supposedly-'protect' mankind from those who're threats to society; aka, the five of us.  
  
I sighed. After the speech was made, everything became a down spiral for the five of us-and it was all because of Tsuberov's doing.  
  
When I'd gotten home later, after letting out everything I'd felt at the beach, I'd found myself and my house swarmed and bombarded with questions, cameras, and nosy-ass fuckin' reporters, trying to get information out of me. I wanted to growl and shove 'em outta my way-I wasn't in a good mood, after all-but I knew that that would only make them believe that we were 'mentally unstable', as Tsuberov had put it. So instead, I'd just pushed my way through the crowd and slammed the door shut behind me when I'd entered our house. But the sight that greeted was anything but pleasant.  
  
Seven old geezers, docs I presume, were putting tubes and wires on four angry gundam pilots (whom were trying very hard to restrain their anger, I mean), whilst a goddamn smirking Tsuberov stood nearby with a camera crew beside him.  
  
My eyes blazed in fury.  
  
"Tsuberov! What the fuck's goin' on here?" This time I didn't restrain the snarl.  
  
"Why Duo Maxwell! You finally showed up!" he piped. "Well.. being the nice person I am-", I snorted and added a 'yeah right'-that he promptly ignored.. "-I decided to give you guys a chance to prove that the five of you are not mentally unstable as I've stated." He paused. "So, here I am."  
  
I whipped my gaze, locking them with Heero's, then Trowa's, then the others' before going back to Heero's again. They didn't say anything but they knew they couldn't do anything either. One of the old geezers came up behind me to push me towards the fifth and empty seat but I violently shrugged him off. "I can walk myself," came my scowl.  
  
Like the others, tubes and wires that were connected to machines were being placed on my forehead, temples, and all other sorts of places; the stupid examination lasted for a half-hour.  
  
"Well?!" Quatre was the one to voice all of our impatience as we waited for another ten minutes as the stupid docs summed up their damn analysis.  
  
One of them stepped up from the others as the camera turned on and faced the docs and us. "We're sorry to inform you-"  
  
"Don't you dare say it, old man! We're all perfectly fine, damn you!!" I knew what he was gonna say before he even finished; the first two words told us so. I wanted to grab the damn doc's shirt but Heero's outstretched arm halted me. My attention whipped to him, my incredulous expression apparent on my face. I was ready to open my mouth but I halted. Though he wasn't looking at me, the small silently angered shake of his head was all I needed to know and I backed down because I knew he was right; as much as I hated to admit it, if I jumped forward then, I'd only make things even worse than they were now. The people would really believe then that we were 'mentally unstable'. Fuckin' people can all go to Hell for all I care. So I was fuckin' bitter. Sue me.  
  
Fury instantly bubbled and downright blazed within me because I knew that those damn bastards were going to royally fuck up ours lives and yet, I could do *nothing* about it except stand there and watch them do so. So as a substitute, I settled for an intensely heated glare that was directed at all of them, but mainly Tsuberov.  
  
The same doc spoke again. "As I was saying.. We're sorry to inform you that from our scrutiny and psychoanalysis, we've concluded that the five of you are, indeed, mentally unstable and could cause great harm to other innocent people. We believe it's best that you all be incarcerated until new and further examination, if any, states that you all are in perfect mental health."  
  
We would've been arrested that day, had it not been for Relena and her associates who'd busted into the room then and objected to Tsuberov's wishes. That was three months ago, like I'd said, and that dispute of having us detained is still goin' on ever since-which is the only reason why we're not in confinement right now. Hm.. I have a feeling we're fighting a losing battle though..  
  
But well.. to tell you the truth, I dunno whether that's a good thing or not-about us not being in confinement, I mean. The five of us had been shunned by the majority of the society since then, all of them having broken every rule of a thing called 'peace'. There are only a few-such as those who work in the Preventers, an orphanage we frequently go to, and some others-that don't treat us like anything other than how we deserved to be treated: like human beings.  
  
S'funny, y'know.. how in the eyes of billions, we've changed from becoming war heroes, receiving a medal of honor and a reward of two point five g's, to disgusting, psychotic, and dangerous-.  
  
A knock on my bedroom door broke my thought before I could finish it and I turned my head slightly, glancing at the door in slight curiosity. "Come in."  
  
The door opened silently and to my utter surprise, Heero strode in. My eyes widened and my lips curled into a smile but I quickly replaced it with an expression of indifference as I pushed myself up into a sitting position, legs crossed.  
  
"Hey, Heero."  
  
I noticed he seemed hesitant to come in, much less say anything at all. "..Duo... Um.. can I.. can I speak to you about something?" He closed the door behind him and looked.. fidgety; he kept looking at his own toes as they slightly wiggled in the soft grey carpet beneath them. Damn, he did not know how cute and unbelievably sexy he looked, especially when he was only wearing his loose navy blue tank top and his black boxers then.  
  
But staring at him now.. it makes me smile as I ponder back on why I'd actually fallen for him in the first place. During the war, he'd.. intrigued me in more ways than one. Whether it was his remote, indifferent exterior, his rare, inner vulnerability, his passion for his cause, or perhaps, even his manic-crazed laughter.. I didn't know what it was then even after all that 'think-it-through-and-decipher' mode, but I knew now. It was all of them-all of *him*. And after a long road of confusion and denial, I'd finally come to admit the realization that, yeah.. I was head-over-fuckin'-heals about Heero Yuy.  
  
I never told him though, if that's what you're wondering. In all the five months that I've stayed with him-well, him and Trowa, no... never *did* have the guts to tell him. Perhaps.. s'bout time I stopped beating around the bushes and tell him straight-out instead. I mean, I have a perfect opportunity in front of me right now, right? Plus, I *do* have a fifty-fifty chance of him accepting or of him.... hmph. Yeah.. it's *'cause* I have a fifty-fifty chance which I why I ain't sayin' anything in the first place.  
  
A sigh.  
  
Yeah... I'm really afraid of his reaction-afraid of his rejection, okay? I mean, if he did reject me.. I know I wouldn't be able to ever face him again, let alone be in the same room with him. Even *if*, by any chance, he offers that we still be friends.. I seriously doubt everything will be the same as before 'cause there's always gonna be that awkward silence between us..  
  
Ack! I'm thinkin' too much again. Too much doubts; I swear I gotta stop doing that. Like I said, no more beating around the bush. I'mma just get it over with. If he.. if he *does* reject me, then.. then that's it. I'mma run and I'mma hide... like I always do. S'nothing new here. So, okay. For sure-before I begin to think too much again, I'm gonna tell him how I feel after he's come to tell me what he wants to say.  
  
"..Duo..?"  
  
I lifted my head up when I heard my name. "Hm..?"  
  
"Uh... Are you busy? Because if you are, we can talk later," came his quickly mumbled voice. He was about to go-he looked kinda eager to go too, yet at the same, disappointed as well. However, my abrupt shout of 'Wait!' halted him in his tracks.  
  
"No.. don't go. ..Sorry, I was just thinkin' about something.. So..." I drawled on and moved to my left, all the while patting the bed beside me as if to offer him a seat. "..what is it you wanted to speak to me about?" I looked up curiously at him.  
  
He looked momentarily relieved that I didn't shoo him off and a soft smile crept onto his features. He granted me a nod of a silent thanks before making his way onto a cross-legged sitting position like me. It was ineptly silent between us; I didn't wanna push him into saying anything that was uncomfortable even though my mind drifted off, wondering what he wanted to talk to me about. While he, on the other hand, was struggling to find words that could express what he wanted to say. The silent droned on but I didn't complain; it only gave me more time to stare at his beautiful face and think of that... unbelievably simple, yet gorgeous smile he flashed at me only minutes before. I swear, if he were to lift his gaze up then and stare at me in confusion.. good lord, I'll be frickin' blushing like there was no tomorrow-and that is *not* good, if you ask me.  
  
I groaned.  
  
..In which I did not intend to do so out loud, because Heero looked up and stared at me with confusion but a touch of.. fear.. in his orbs as well. Automatically, I flashed a nervous grin at him and a chuckle that followed not long after.  
  
He seemed to loosen up a bit more, joining my chuckle afterwards at our awkward situation.  
  
"I was going to say.. well.." He paused and took a deep breath and let it out slowly before continuing again. "In the past five months that we've been staying together, I've.. well.. I was confused at what I felt at first but then I became conscious that, without a doubt, I *did* feel a great attraction to... um... uh...." he resumed frantically, not daring to continue that on, "-b..b..but I didn't know where to start or how to continue once I actually admitted and accepted my realization..." He paused then, to-I presume-let me take in what he just told me.  
  
To say at the least, I didn't know what the hell to say to him. With my heart pounding even louder with every word that'd left his mouth, every hope in me escalated and built up tenfold at the recognition that he really could possibly feel the same way towards *me*..  
  
"I..I don't know what to do, Duo. I don't know how to face this, don't know how to proceed from here on from the fact that I lo-.." He's gonna say it.. oh my god.. he's gonna say it.. and to *me*, no less! ..I knew I looked really hopeful then and in many ways, desperate, but I just couldn't hold it in. He turned his head away from me, embarrassed. "..that.. that I.. love Trowa."  
  
I froze.  
  
For a second there, I could really *feel* my heart actually beat one more time before coming to a halt, the hopeful smile that was once on my face only seconds prior.. had fallen to the floor with a silent crash and everything had just... stopped.  
  
My hands were trembling slightly in my lap, but the movement was distant to me. I could vaguely feel that it was there, however, the sudden chill that overwhelmed me blocked everything out. Everything just seemed so.. cold and distant all of a sudden.. But.. the window is closed, so how did it suddenly get so cold in here...?  
  
I felt a hand on my arm and.. I knew I couldn't help it; it was an automatic response. I flinched away, as if suddenly burnt. My gaze lifted and landed on the person in front of me-Heero. Suddenly, I couldn't hear what he just started saying. I could only hear the echoing mantra of the last three words he'd said; I love Trowa.. I love Trowa.. I love Trowa.. ...  
  
My eyes shut tightly and my head was in my hands before I knew it. I don't wanna hear it anymore!   
  
' I love Trowa.. '  
  
Stop it, dammit! Stop!!   
  
' I love Trowa.. '  
  
Fuck!! Why won't it stop..?   
  
' I love Trowa.. '   
  
Please.. I don't wanna hear anything anymore...  
  
Two firm hands on my arms shook me out of my own little world. I didn't know who it was, nor did I care. I'd found out later that struggling in the person's grasp was of no use so I lashed out at my adversary instead.  
  
"Fuckin' lemme go, you asshole!" I didn't give a shit who was holding me down, who had successfully pinned me to my bed after a long scuffle. God.. I just wanted the increasing ache in my chest to just stop...  
  
"-uo, stop it!!" I opened my eyes then, panting, and stared at Heero Yuy-no, glared at him. But whether it was because of the fact that he had me pinned or because of his.. confession, I didn't know. Nor did I have the heart to care at the moment. He was panting as well but seemed unfazed by my glare. So, we just stayed in that position, me glaring and inwardly growing wearily while he had the lost and confused, yet worried look on his face. I wasn't sure how much time had passed by but by then, he must've figured I wasn't going to doing anything that scared the shit out've him anymore because he let me go and slowly released my wrists and got off of me. I almost wished he didn't... but then, I'd just be kidding myself again..  
  
I pushed myself up and scooted backwards, up until my back was leaning against the headboard and my pillow was in my arms as an unconscious form of comfort.. somehow...   
  
"Duo.. what's wrong..? Is it what I said..?" He was hesitant, I could tell without having to look at him; I didn't wanna face him at the moment.. But I could've sworn there was fear in his voice too... Perhaps, he's afraid of *my* rejection to his confession..?  
  
I swallowed, my face contorting with disgust and anger-at myself. Guilt found its way through my guts and my heart then. How could I-! God.. all I cared about was myself; I didn't even bother to look at the situation from his point of view... I'm such a fuckin' bastard.  
  
I looked up then, trying unsuccessfully to swallow the lump in my throat. I was right; there *was* fear there.. Guilt ripped its way through my stomach, swimming viciously to my heart and sinking its sharp, poisonous fangs into the core. Yeah, such a selfish fuckin' bastard, ne?  
  
"No, Heero. I just.. I dunno. Something triggered my thoughts about my past.. I'm sorry-I didn't mean to be.. to... I'm sorry.." Yeah.. so I was lying. I know I'm breaking my own 'I run and I hide, but I don't lie' motto.. You can call my a fuckin' hypocrite or whatever, but y'know what? Frankly, I really don't give a flying fuck about any shit anymore. Everything's come crashing down now.. There's nothing I got left.. No more hope anymore for anything... So, as long as I keep my own fucked up shit to myself, I don't really care what I do anymore.. because it doesn't really matter..  
  
"Oh.. Are you sure, Duo? Because you-."  
  
I looked at him straight in the eye; it's the only way I know that could get him to believe what I wanna say. "Y'know I don't lie right, Heero?" I forced a small 'everything's-okay' smile onto my face. God.. why was it so hard to smile now..?  
  
He seemed tentative and unwilling to believe me since it took him awhile to respond, but he did eventually because he offered his own nod of agreement and his own smile of an unspoken thanks. A wave of relief poured over me, but for some reason my hands were shaking uncontrollably again; I ended up sitting on them to keep the facade up and going. But deep down, I knew each crack was a stab to the heart and I was spiraling downwards even more. I was screaming on the inside and, God.. all I wanted to do was reach out to him and spill everything to him then-'bout all of the fuckin' crap of the shit hole of a life I'm having, 'bout all of my feelings of how I feel about him, and 'bout how it's so tiring to just keep my mask on nowadays.. but I couldn't. One part of me hated myself for being so fuckin' stubborn and so afraid because I didn't want things to change, for I knew that if it did, it'd be for the worse. And then the other part of me hated myself for being so weak to wanna even want to seek any type of.. comfort in the first place. But fuck.. seeing that smile on his beautiful face... fuckin' shit! Why the hell did I ever fall for him?? Why the fuck did it have to be him? Why the fuckin' hell did he even tell me anything in the first place?! I didn't wanna know; I'd rather live in my fuckin' fantasy, dreaming that maybe.. just *maybe*, I'd have a fuckin' chance with him. So, why..?  
  
I was breaking up inside, I knew that. I was cold like fuck and my chest hurt-s'hurting so much that it ached to just fuckin' breathe.. I knew I cracking into one-fuckin'-thousand pieces and yet some-fuckin'-how, in the end.. my mask has always been able to be there for me. I just wish the pressure wasn't so heavy so it wouldn't be so hard to keep it up now..  
  
"..Heero. I know you wanna ask me to help you with something, so what is it?" Just please hurry up and ask, Heero. I'm so tired.. So tired of everything...  
  
"I.. I don't know how to continue or how to approach this. But I do know that I want him to be there with me. Duo, you know more about these stuff than I ever could. So will you.. will you help 'hook us up', as you would say it?"  
  
I could do nothing but stare at him. He was asking me to hook him-the one I love-and Trowa up.. I didn't have anything against Trowa-he's one of my best friends after all, but.. I don't want to-I know I was being selfish but.. I don't care! I don't want to...  
  
"It's okay, Duo. You don't have to. I.. I was just asking.." God, he sounded so dejected.. Fuck. Could guilt get at you any more worse than it already has..?  
  
His shoulders slumped; it was a small movement but I saw it, nonetheless. He really cares for him..  
  
..Apparently, guilt can get any worse. So can your heart too..  
  
I smiled. It wasn't bitter, but it wasn't a sweet one either. Just a plain and simple smile. You're a lucky man, Trowa..  
  
"Heero.." I started. He glanced my way at the sound of his name and I saw a great amount of hope plus an equal amount of fear there.  
  
"..Will you help me, Duo?" His voice was so soft I almost couldn't hear him, and so childlike.. like as if someone was trying to tell a child that Santa wasn't real..  
  
And dammit, he looked so pleading... and Heero Yuy never looked pleading..  
  
Again, I swallowed the lump in my throat. And with all that I could, I held back everything that was weighing down on me that could've made me completely crack then.. and I opened my mouth to whisper the two hardest words ever in my life.  
  
"..Yeah.. sure..."  
  
*****  
  
tbc...  
  
*****  
  
So.. what do you guys think? Please review!! ^__^ Yes, I *crave* feedback. ^.~ 


	2. Part 02

Title: Struggling to Fly  
  
Author: sailor c. ryoko  
  
Rating: R  
  
Pairings: 1+/x3. 1+2. 3+2. (eventual 1x2x3). 5x4. past Tsuberov x Une.  
  
Ages: Une is 33. Tsuberov is 40. Pilots are 15. Except 'Fei – 16. ^_^  
  
Archive: my new site – Erotic Encounters: http://www.geocities.com/zerotwoaddict and http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1471289   
  
Warnings: shounen-ai/yaoi. threesome. Duo POV. lots o' angst. OOC. in some ways... TWT.. (sorta). language. unrequited love (at first) on Duo's part. Duo-centric. bastard Une and Tsuberov. OC's. post-war. EW never occurred.  
  
Disclaimer: I, apparently, do not own Gundam Wing.  
  
Notes: this is my first threesome.. so... please go easy on me. ^^ and um.. Tsuberov knows martial arts *real* good—either can match g-boys or surpass 'em.. I think... ^^;; plus.. yea, I know. Tsusberov x Une?? o.O ..but I had to find someone who was would fit the part as mean and was older.. sorry for those of you who like Une.. ^^;; also.. this fic got inspired while I was watching one specific angsty scene in the Chinese movie, "Blue Dragon". ^_^ I soooo love that movie!! well, that is.. if that's what the movie's called anyway.. er, yeah.. ^^;;  
  
Synopsis: Being an outcast in society, Duo struggles with only what little he has to cope with life in the present. However, unwanted problems about his past begins to arise that may prevent him from having any future at all.  
  
Special Note: I wanna thank Sol for helping me so much with this fic! I really, really appreciate it a lot! ^___^ Thank you!  
  
---------  
  
Part 02 - revised  
  
---------  
  
After nearly two seconds of elapsed time, the car slowed to a stop, halting merely a foot away from the white pedestrian line. Knowing all too well that I'd have to wait at least five minutes for the red light to turn green, I set the automatic stick to its parking mode before releasing my foot from the brakes. I've always despised dealing with this steep road but sadly, it was, by far, the fastest way to reach the orphanage or Preventers HQ from the apartment that Heero, Trowa and I lived in.  
  
My hands had left the steering wheel and began fiddling with the end of my braid again, a habit, I recalled, that seemed to always get on Une's nerves.  
  
I sighed.  
  
Who am I kidding? Every time I was within her line of sight, she would heatedly want to chop off my "ridiculous mop of hair" because of the troubles it caused so much to her four best agents. Even given that Quatre is one of the most recognized face on the Earth Sphere, if you were to play a game of 'Where's Waldo?', you wouldn't have to look hard to be able to spot me first in a crowd; my meter-long braid was a big giveaway.  
  
Whenever I thought about my braid, it would only remind me of our place in society of how, in the eyes of billions, we will always be feared and abhorred. And that would only make me question myself further. It made me wonder...Should I still keep my braid? Is it even worth it? Is it worth all of those insulting, stinging remarks thrown our way? Or all those times we were stoned and shouted at to leave and never come back? Was it really worth it?  
  
I leaned back in my seat and ran my hand through my hair, giving it a pull near the base of my neck. I really didn't know the answer. I shook my head. It probably wasn't worth it. Now it makes me wonder why Heero and Trowa always stuck up for me in the first place, and stood up to Une whenever she chewed me out. I've always felt touched and can't help but smile when they did, but it also opened my eyes, only telling me that their effort isn't worth it either. I hate it when you're torn in the middle. Whether you're torn between emotions or situations, it's all the fuckin' same. You don't know what the hell to do.  
  
I never did understand Une though. It seems like her schizophrenia always seems to pop up when I'm around. I see her laughing and enjoying herself, but the minute she sees me, her smile just completely vanishes. Y'know, just not too long ago, she didn't actually hate my guts as much as she does right now. I mean, we were pretty cool with each other, even *friends* at one point in time. She isn't even like that psychotic, vindictive, bastard she was back in the war anymore. It puzzles me as to why she's so cold to me (and it seems, *only* me) now. I just can't figure out what exactly went wrong.  
  
Everything seemed to change the night at the little gathering for Wufei's sixteenth birthday.  
  
After two hours of staying inside Quatre's house, dancing and whatnot, it had gotten a bit stuffy and my throat was dry. So I excused myself from talking to Trowa, Heero, Wufei, Quatre and Zechs and strode over to the punch table. I reached out with one hand to grab a paper cup whilst the other picked up the ladle in the punch bowl.   
  
I heard a loud gasp a few feet to my left and curiously, I turned my head that way. Relena, Hilde, and Noin were chatting nonchalantly. However, it was the sight of a pale Une staring at me with a bizarre expression of disbelief that struck me. I was standing with my arms bent at my side, the cup in hand, but her gaze was not on my face but rather somewhere between my neck and waist.   
  
I looked down to see if I had a spider crawling on me or something, but I found nothing out of the ordinary. I was wearing a jeans jacket, with the sleeves rolled up to my elbows, over a black tee with black jeans. The old five-inch scar was showing, but really, none of it seemed that out of the ordinary, so my gaze switched back to Une's once again, clearly bewildered. When my gaze met hers, though, she not only gasped louder but jumped a little, and the cup of punch fell out of her hands, spilling all over the tiled floor.  
  
It caused a small commotion around her, but neither she nor I had moved from our spot. I was still trying to figure out what was up with her but she had begun to shake her head, still with that horrified disbelief look on her face. What was going on?  
  
Then, her head started to shake a bit and she looked as if she was going to fall back but didn't. She seemed to be far away now, not even looking at me anymore. And then, as if it'd never happened, her head snapped back and she glared at me with such heated emotions in her eyes that *I* had to take a step back. Sheer abhorrence radiated from her to the point that I found myself taking another step back. Again I wondered what the hell was going on. Had I done something to upset her?   
  
Une glared at me one more time before storming from the room, viciously slamming the door behind her. Everyone's gaze landed on me, their eyes full of unspoken questions, but I had no answers for them. I was just as confused and in dark as much as they were.  
  
I forced the thoughts about Une out of my head and focused on what I needed to do. Besides, if I didn't get this food out of my car, I was going to drown in my own drool. Yeah, it smelled that good.  
  
-------------  
  
Ten minutes later, I was at the orphanage, straining my neck to stare at the three-story white building as I walked up to the door. It still amazes me sometimes that this fairly small residence is an orphanage of fifty-three people. Shaking my head I turned my attention back to the wooden door. With one hand dragging the wheelbarrow-sized cart of delicious-smelling Italian food, I dug out a set of keys from my jeans pocket with my free hand. Grandma Davis had given the guys and I each a copy of the keys to the orphanage so we could come whenever we wanted.   
  
"For all you've done, you boys are always more than welcome here," she told us.  
  
Stuffing the keys back into my pocket, I turned the knob and pushed the door open. The front room was full of kids playing or chatting with one another, all ranging between six and fifteen. All of their heads seem to lift up and turn in my direction at the same time and, oddly, I found that amusing somehow. I had been here often enough, and I figured my presence was no longer a big deal, which was good. I didn't want to get tackled by every single one of them, all trying to hug me.   
  
However, from the drooling, wild looks in their eyes, I suspected thirty pairs of shoes might stampede me instead: they had spotted the food. Kicking the door closed behind me, I dashed at a sixty-degree angle to my left, towards the seven-foot long table, dragging the cart behind me. Getting behind the table was my best safety measure. I skidded to a halt between the chairs and the wall. Squeezed between the wall and the long table, I let out a puff of air in relief, even as I realized the kids had cornered me.  
  
"Duo! You brought more food!"  
  
"What kind didja buy this time?"  
  
"Is it Chinese food? I love Chinese food!"  
  
"Hey! I want some too, Duo!"  
  
"Quit whining, you'll get ta eat!"  
  
"Food? I wanna eat too!"  
  
"Quiet!" The shout was easily heard over the incessant chatter. From just that one word, the room had settled down and the voices had reduced to nothing.   
  
Well, you have to admit, Granny D is good. I smirked.  
  
Into the room stepped a business-like, damn healthy individual considering she's got to be in her seventies. Shoulders straight, hands behind her back, she strode across the room eyeing everyone else before her gaze landed on me, even if she had to lean back a little to look at me. Her bright blue eyes, so sharp in her pale face, softened a bit and she flashed me a small smile and a nod before shifting her watchful eyes back to the kids.  
  
"I know that everyone must be very hungry," she announced, receiving a number of nods at that statement. "However, trying to stampede Duo to get to the food is not the answer." This time, a few people flushed and others giggled. "Everyone will get to eat. Now, line up and behave yourselves. Everyone will get their turn."   
  
"Yes, Grandma Davis," came the reply in unison.  
  
She turned to me. "Duo, you need not to bring so much food next time. Sometimes, I just want to smack you for your generosity. All five of you spoil us too much." She scolded playfully, making me laugh.   
  
"It's no problem, really, Granny D. Everyone here deserves to eat until they're completely stuffed and can't move a single muscle at least once in their lifetime; that's why I'm here." I grinned, and everyone chortled at that. "'Sides, we love this. Even Wufei, no matter how much he denies it. Just don't tell him I told you guys that or he won't hesitate to throttle me." I winked at the kids and they chuckled.  
  
"Now, I'll serve. Duo, could you please go get the plates and utensils?" Granny D said, walking around to stand by me behind the table.  
  
"Roger that." I tossed her a grin and headed for the kitchen.  
  
A few minutes later, I was back with everything we'd need for dinner. Noticing that there were four other helping hands by Granny D, I turned my attention to locating one specific orphan, Liz. I frowned, not spotting her anywhere and went back to the hallway, making a right this time, towards the room where she and several other kids slept at at night.   
  
I didn't have to get far though, because once I made the right turn in the hall, I saw Liz walking alone in the hallway. I shook my head, immediately upset at the fact that Liz was alone, again. The other kids ostracized her, and I hated it. I knew what that felt like.  
  
Unwanted images of my own past suddenly surfaced.  
  
I was eight, and I remember stumbling back as the force of the basketball completely caught me off guard, causing me to land not too gracefully on my butt. The echoes of laughter filled the school playground as each one either doubled over and guffawed or smirked and snickered, whispering who knows what to another and then full-out laughing together. Either way, I wasn't gonna take this sitting down – literally or figuratively.   
  
Face heated with humiliation and anger, I stared in turn at each of the kids surrounding me. Jane, Mark, Christopher, Vye, Sandy, Mary-Ann, Emma, Craig, Phillip, Eugene, Paul, Maia.... My wandering gaze snapped back and stopped at Eugene. I should've known it would have been him. Again. Lucky me.  
  
Eugene had his hands across his chest, a huge smirk plastered on his face. His two lapdogs stood by either side of him. Bastards. Clenching my fist in growing anger, I pushed myself off the ground and picked up the basketball, darting forward and throwing it back at him at the same time. Frantic shouts filled the background. Everyone scrambled far enough to stay out of the coming fight while staying close enough to witness it all. I ignored them. I was focused solely on Eugene.  
  
He immediately dodged out of the way of the ball with that smirk still on his face. I gave him no time to recover, but charged towards him. I threw myself on him, and we both crashed to the ground. Sitting up, I threw blow after blow at his face.   
  
Something at the back of mind nudged at me, tugged at me, the voice sounding so pleading for me to cease the punches. That I was gonna kill 'im at this rate.  
  
I ignored it, and kept punching him.  
  
I was blinded by my own fury. Everything bottled up in me was unleashed, and I wasn't going to stop now. I hated him for always humiliating me, hated him for always baggin' on Sister Helen and Father Maxwell, hated him for always starting shit with me, and hated him for getting the others to reject me, too. With every memory, my fist hit his face. All I could think of was that it was *he* who had fed the sparkling embers of dislike to the blazing inferno of hatred it was now.  
  
Suddenly two pairs of arms roughly hauled me off of Eugene and shoved me harshly to the ground. I rolled several feet, sitting up, slightly dazed. Sweat clouded my vision. I blinked, looking up. Angry shouts clogged the air. Paul and Phillip were heatedly storming my way, fists up and ready to kick ass. I picked myself up, fighting back fiercely as they landed on me. With every strike they gave me, I gave back double.   
  
The fight didn't last long. Eugene had joined after a pause but wasn't much help, and all three boys were finally down. I stood there, my shoulders slumped, my clothing torn at more places than not, panting and breathing sluggishly as I could feel the red liquid seeping from the lacerations, and the black and blues already swelling. My face was not a pretty sight, but neither was theirs.  
  
I could hear gasps of sheer horror and splutters of disbelief, and distant shouts that I'd beaten up the baddest kids at school. Then, surprisingly, there was silence. Silence that was so disturbing I could clearly hear the every beat of my heart. I stood there, unmoving, feeling their eyes on me. Panic, disbelief, and...fear. My stare slowly moved from one pair of eyes to the next; the fear was evident in them.  
  
A drop of water suddenly landed on my cheek, waking me from my mindless state. I blinked. The next thing I knew, the schoolyard was filled with panicked shouts as the kids fled to the relative safety of the school building. Even Eugene and the other two had hauled their own asses up and limped away.  
  
"Yer a damn monster! There's no way some scrawny li'l kid can beat us up. Yer a dirty, li'l freakish monster! We don't want you here! We don't want you here at all! Just go back to the damn shit-hole you came from and never come back!"   
  
Eugene's shouts rang almost repeatedly in my head. The true fear in his eyes spoke volumes. I only remained in that spot and watched as each disappeared into the buildings, running further and further away from me. There was that unsettling silence again, but somehow it'd gotten thicker and deeper this time. Not even the cold, stinging downpour could wash away the pain that resided within my heart.  
  
Standing in that hallway, years later, watching Liz, my fists clenched and I shoved those thoughts away, refusing to think about that or similar memories. I swallowed my anger and despair and called out to her.   
  
"Hey, Liz!"   
  
My tone was hyper, I knew that for a fact but then again, that was my intention. Her eyes focused on me momentarily before a grin broke out on her face as she brought her right hand up to her mouth. Not covering it, mind you, but instead crafting her index finger to resemble a hook before opening her mouth and sinking her teeth into it. I wasn't alarmed. I knew she wouldn't bite her finger that hard. It was more like as how an infant would constantly suck on her thumb out of habit.  
  
Her raven-colored eyes sparkled with joy when she recognized me. One bare foot took a step forward and the other slightly dragged behind as she headed towards me. I stood in place and waited as she walked across the twenty feet that distanced us, outstretching my arms when she was but a foot or two away. It was hard resisting the urge to go over to her, but her doc had said that more mobility was better for her.   
  
When she reached me, she wrapped her free arm around my neck (as she always did) and rested her chin on my shoulder, overlooking it. I've always found it oddly comforting when we embraced one another but it was especially odd that the way the hand wrapping around my neck held me in place peculiarly; her hand would bend so that her palm was facing outwards and it was the back of her hand that was in contact with my skin, instead of the other way around.   
  
I brought my hand up to her head, ruffling her short, black hair and scratched her head; she liked that. I think we must've stayed there for a couple of minutes. She was very affectionate, well, either that or very...aggressive. Slowly pulling away, she just stood there still biting her finger while her face and eyes kept moving around. I swear there ain't one minute where her eyes *aren't* moving. I just stood in place staring at her.  
  
Liz had only been at the orphanage a month but I got attached to her pretty quickly. She's only two years younger than me, but she's a three-year-old on the inside. She doesn't speak, can't walk properly, and can't do many things like ordinary people, but sometimes I could briefly see pain in her eyes. Even if the flash of overwhelming emotion was but a rapid millisecond, I could see the familiar pain of isolation in them.   
  
It's weird though. There are times when her sorrow shows but most of the time she's carefree, as if she's truly happy. It makes me wonder how she can so easily switch from one mood to another and, I could tell, it's no mask. I wish. I wish I could be her. So I wouldn't have to think about the things and people in my life and where I stand in it. It would be so great if I couldn't think....  
  
A slap on my head brought me back from my thoughts and I blinked; the first thing I saw was Liz's grin. Her hand was still up and she kept hitting me on the head.   
  
I wagged my fingers at her, playfully scolding her, "Oh! Sly, are ya! Trying to hit me when I'm not paying attention!"   
  
She laughed and hit harder. I wrapped my arms around her waist and picked her up, carrying her to the living room. When the kids saw us enter the living room, they paused eating long enough to move away. Any idiot could see the fear in their eyes.  
  
Gritting my teeth, I walked over to the stool to my left and set Liz down, noting the wide berth we'd been given. I didn't say anything, but I was pretty sure my irritation was evident. I retrieved some dinner and settled down next to Liz, feeding her patiently while her eyes darted around the room, watching everyone else eat.   
  
"Hey, Granny D," I called, as I remembered my good news.  
  
"Yes?" The elderly lady was heading in our direction, with her own plate of food in her hands.  
  
"I got a job!" I exclaimed.  
  
"That's wonderful!"  
  
"Yeah. Starting tomorrow, I'm gonna start working at the Black Dragon restaurant down the street."  
  
"That's great, Duo. Congratulations, I'm happy for you." She smiled warmly, setting her plate on the mantelpiece before embracing me. I did the same and hugged her back.  
  
"Thanks, Granny D," I whispered; I could picture the smile she produced.  
  
As she pulled away, she nodded and asked, "Have you told the other dears yet, Duo?"   
  
I shook my head. "No, I haven't. I directly came here after getting hired. I was going to them when I got home later." Yeah, much later. I didn't exactly feel up to facing my two roommates yet after the realization last night. It was still too fresh in my mind.   
  
Granny D suddenly got a shocked looked on her face.   
  
"What?" I asked, puzzled. Did I do something wrong?  
  
"Oh, Duo! How *could* you?"   
  
What? What'd I do? I gave her a perplexed look.  
  
She laughed, her tone mildly scolding. "How could you not tell us first before buying all of this food as celebration?"  
  
Needless to say, the best response I could come up was, "Oh." Yeah, I'm witty.  
  
Granny's laughter broke through my embarrassment and my stupidity—not about not telling the pilots first, but because I looked stupid standing there with my mouth open.  
  
"Well, since we're 'officially' celebrating right now, I should go call the others to come—"  
  
"No!" I think I shouted louder than intended, because everyone gave me a look as if I'd grown two heads or something. Great. The center of attention looking so very stupid again. Yeah, real nice.  
  
"Err, well..." Great, now I'm stuttering too. "What I meant was I know the guys are busy. I'm gonna tell them later." Much, much later.  
  
I guess Granny could tell that I didn't want them to come. She might not know the reason behind it but she didn't push it. I was grateful.  
  
"Whatever you wish, dear," she reluctantly said, nodding solemnly.   
  
Everyone else had already gone back to the mindless talking and eating again but there was that unnerving silence between me and Granny D. Finally, she just smiled at me, and began taking empty dishes to the kitchen.  
  
I sighed, turning back to feed Liz again but my thoughts drifted elsewhere.  
  
I had woken up at five o'clock in the morning. Not that I had much sleep last night in the first place, but that's not the point. Everything was still too fresh in my mind. Even now, I could remember every detail on Heero's face from last night. All the emotions he must've felt, everything that I felt, it's still there. And I doubt it'll go away for a long, long time.   
  
I guess, in a way, I'm running and hiding again, just like I always do when things begin to get complicated and I don't want to face the truth. I know this, I know that this is what I'm doing and I know that what I should really be doing is wishing them happiness but...I can't. I had left home so early this morning because I couldn't stay there anymore.   
  
I spooned more food into Liz's waiting mouth, and thought about it. The idea of Heero and Trowa being nearby made me feel overwhelmed, stressed, and...trapped, somehow. I needed to get away, at least for a little while, to take everything in and try to...*accept* it one way or another.   
  
And I tried, I really did, but then there were points where I'd brush the problems away, not wanting to think about it at all. But it seems that I've failed to do so. Again and again. They say that if you were to truly love someone, I mean with all the heartbreaks and afflictions, coalesced with the blissful, glass shattering, soul connection...you'd do anything you can to give that person whatever they desire. Even if it means that you must succumb to reality and just let go, whatever it takes, just so he's happy.   
  
If this is true, then why I am unable to do that? Relena had pursued him – did she ever - but when he'd straight-out told her in his own gentle way that he did not love her and never would because his heart belonged somewhere else, she was hurt. She was heartbroken, and you could see it in her eyes. But in the end, she did let go and even gave him her best wishes.  
  
Why couldn't I do that? Why couldn't I do the same thing and let him go?  
  
But...so what does this mean then? That I do not love him? That what I feel for him is merely obsession and lust? But...I do. I *do* love him. I love the way he just sits there sometimes, thinking that no one is watching and staring at something in his own imagination with that wistful expression on his face. I love the way his eyes have that all-too-familiar sparkle of adrenaline in them when he is informed that a field assignment requires his attention. I love the way he was finally able to succumb to the warmth and solace Trowa and I had offered, just as us two had hesitantly done when we were in that similar situation. I love the way his breathtaking laughter echoed in the room when Liz did something to amuse him. And I love the way his deepening shades of blue glitters with such overwhelming emotions and the way the ends of his mouth curves up just very slightly when he smiles that one smile only presented to me and Trowa.  
  
So that means that I do love him. Right?  
  
Or does it just mean that I'm just following obsessive emotions and my selfish desires?  
  
I sighed. I didn't know anymore. I guessed after the night before, I didn't know anything anymore. But even as much as all I want to do is just shove away the desolation and give in to the bitterness and just have him for myself...I know I can't. I wasn't able to last night when he'd ask me to help him; I wouldn't be able to now.  
  
Suddenly, I stiffened.  
  
For some reason, I don't know why realization hadn't dawned on me earlier. I don't know why I hadn't noticed how so disgustingly selfish I was. Yes, I know everyone has egotistical qualities, some more than others, but Trowa is one of my best friends; both he and Heero are. It was they who had helped me cope with my nightmares into the dead hours of the night. It was they who had saved my ass more times than once back during the two wars. And it was they who had stood up for me against Une every time she chewed me out about my braid.   
  
I guess I can't evade the truth; only I would be able to attract trouble like no other. But like the saying goes, you get what you deserve, and obviously, all of this—all that's happened to me is because I deserve it, right? It's a shame though. I guess I deserve friends, then, since they've stuck with me this long. I just don't deserve more.  
  
I set the empty bowl down on the table and picked up the cup of water, helping Liz drink. She normally only took a sip and this time around was no different; she wasn't too fond of water, or nearly any kind of beverage for that matter. I shrugged, then sighed, for the thousandth time today.  
  
It was going to be a long day.  
  
---------------  
  
I parked about a block away from our apartment, in the only open space I could find. I turned off the engine and pulled my keys out, all the while muttering curses about the damn weather. Don't get me wrong, I happen to like rain. But then, when you consider all the other factors in it like a scrawny figure who's only dressed in a thin, short-sleeved white dress shirt and beige slacks with no umbrella or raincoat, and the thundering hail storm and the subzero temperature that just tends to send pricks to every part of your chilling body. That doesn't sound like something to look forward to, if you ask me.  
  
A long, soft sigh escaped as my gaze landed on the brick two-story building up ahead. I didn't really want to go home. Knowing that the both of them are probably curled up in each other's arms, sleeping blissfully with a roof over their heads in that comforting embrace of the other.   
  
That image of them suddenly hit me like a tsunami.  
  
Why didn't I see this before? Heero and Trowa. God, why the fuck didn't I see this before? Why couldn't I see that they're perfect for one another? I guess I was too wrapped up in my own delusion and fantasy that Heero and I could have been something more than friends but I guess I was wrong. I know that now. I know that I'm just a damned, selfishly pathetic fool. I should have seen it before.   
  
If I had just opened my eyes, I tell myself angrily. I would've seen that when they're together, the trust they have for each other flares so brightly. They'd both stick up for the other in less than a second. Plus, Heero can give the comforting shelter and stability that Trowa needs, and Trowa can give the consoling peace and warmth that Heero needs.  
  
I remember back when Une had chosen the two of them to demonstrate the value of vigilance, speed, and cooperation to the new Preventer recruits by having them run the obstacle course in the gym. I had been there to see it; all of us were actually. They both were to work together, as partners, to get through the obstacle course and defuse the artificial bombs in less than five minutes.   
  
The second Une had pushed the timer and shouted 'Go!' both had shot forward with such admiring speed and agility that'd leave you in complete awe. They had breezed through the course in four minutes flat. I should've realized then that Quatre was right when he said, "It's amazing how they can easily work together, side by side, like as if they're just simply made for each other. It's no wonder Une had assigned them as partners."   
  
No wonder they always call me a baka, huh? I mean, they were *right* in front of my eyes! I should've known, should've seen the connection that Heero and Trowa are like Bonny and Clyde, partners in crime. Well, partners in justice instead but that's beside the point. It's just like Quatre had said, "they're just simply made for each other."   
  
I sit in the car, reluctant to get out in the rain, and laugh softly to myself, a cynical sound. I guess this meant I'd done the right thing when I woke up. I'd deliberately busted Trowa's car's engine with the intention of having both Heero and Trowa work together to fix it all day today. I'd sent a message to Heero's laptop about my plan to help him, telling him to just be himself when talking to Trowa and just...follow his heart. I couldn't type anything after that. Everything just...it just all hurt too much.  
  
A pathetic smile crawled its way to my face as a bitter laugh suddenly tore from my throat. Something landed on the hands in my lap and I looked down. I was crying. So much expression all filled within that single drop, it was suddenly hilarious. Another realization struck as I began laughing and crying at the same time. Is that even possible, though? Does it matter? No, of course not.   
  
I guess like many things, I should've realized this sooner. Our situation is exactly like the old saying, two's company and three's a crowd. And. I guess I'm the loner, the odd one out. I'm the crowd...right?  
  
--------  
  
tbc…  
  
--------  
  
Whew! I finally got the revision of this chapter done. Yeah, I know. It took me a long while…. ^^;; Sorry about that. Well, I hope you guys like this better than the last. ^_^ 


	3. Part 03

Struggling to Fly  
  
by: sailor c. ryoko  
  
Rating: R  
  
Pairings: developing 1x3, 1x2x3. 1+2. 2+1. 3+2. 2+3. established 5x4. past Tsuberov x Une.  
  
Ages: Une is 33. Tsuberov is 40. Pilots are 15. Except 'Fei - 16. ^_^  
  
Archive: Erotic Encounters: http://www.geocities.com/zerotwoaddict and http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1471289   
  
Warnings: threesome. Duo POV. heavy angst. OOC. AUish (sorta). language. nasty Tsuberov and Une. OC's. post-war. EW never occurred. fusion-ish with "Blue Dragon".  
  
Notes: Tsuberov knows martial arts *real* good-either can match g-boys or surpass 'em.. Also.. some/most of the plot ideas in this fic is. not. mine! Like in the 'Warnings', it says it's a fusion-ish. hahah...  
  
Synopsis: Being an outcast in society, Duo struggles with only what little he has to cope with life in the present. However, unwanted problems about his past begins to arise that may prevent him from having any future at all.  
  
Special Note: I wanna thank Sol for helping me so much with this fic! I really, really appreciate it a lot! ^___^ Thank you!  
  
---------  
  
Part 03  
  
---------  
  
  
  
I stepped out of the bathroom and walked down the hallway towards my bedroom. With my hands half massaging, half drying my long, wavy mass of hair draped over my shoulder and the soothing feeling of the soft carpet underneath my bare feet, I felt calm, and at ease. I haven't felt this...relaxed in a long time. Long time. It feels like as if several centuries have passed when in reality, it's only been several days.  
  
"Duo."  
  
I jumped, nearly dropping the blue towel. The voice wasn't loud enough to knock me off complete balance - hell, it wasn't even loud - but the abruptness threw me off guard. I turned, already knowing who was there before I even saw him. There, sitting on the sofa in the living room in a relaxed position with an amused smile on his face, was Trowa.  
  
My brow twitched in mocked annoyance, before muttering, "Jesus, Tro. Do you *like* scaring the shit out of me or something? Christ!"  
  
"Sorry," was his reply. His eyes were twinkling, though.  
  
"You are not!" My eyes widened at his response before they narrowed, staring accusingly at him.  
  
He chuckled, then. For thirty seconds I managed a straight face, but in the end, I couldn't help it. My laughter followed his, even as I suspected he was just trying to get me to lighten up.  
  
Once the chuckles quieted down, we just became quiet. I ain't sure how much time passed by but I just stood there stupidly and Trowa was just keeping me as his main focus at the moment. Under different circumstances, I would be grinning like an idiot and would probably shoot a wink towards his way - Trowa was a handsome man after all, but at the current moment, things just felt...awkward. Awkward and uncomfortable. And I didn't like it one bit. Shaking my head I turned to him then, intent on chatting nonchalantly - the silence was beginning to really get to me then. I loosened my grip on the towel and opened my mouth.  
  
"Don't," he said sharply.  
  
"I…." I didn't know how to respond to that, so I just nodded.  
  
"Duo...." he began.  
  
"I'm just a bit tired, Tro." When had my voice sounded so weary? I dismissed that thought, satisfied instead that the reply I hadn't meant to verbalize was acceptable. It wasn't a lie really, and it didn't insinuate much information either. I *had* barely gotten any sleep these days, never mind getting what's considered as *enough* sleep.  
  
He shot me a suspicious look, but I think my fatigue was almost as clear as day. Almost. But he didn't push further and for that, I was grateful.  
  
"Duo, can we just...talk?"   
  
At that one question, my cool dispersed. Nervousness surfaced and everything in sight was suddenly screaming, 'Danger Alert! Danger Alert!' I had a faint idea of what he wanted to talk about, and was positive it wouldn't be good. I still wasn't prepared on how to answer him or Heero if either one of them were to ask me why I'd avoiding them. Damn, and I was hoping they wouldn't notice either, but obviously, luck was never on my side. I really wanted to run and hide right now.  
  
"You can go to sleep right after," he added. He lips might be saying one thing but his eyes spoke another. He may be saying that I *can* go to sleep after but what he's really saying is that he will *let* me go after we're done. He is one damn, persistent asshole, isn't he? I cracked a grin at that.  
  
I sighed in silent surrender and plopped down on the couch next to him.  
  
"So...whatcha wanna talk about?" I asked casually, hoping to keep the conversation mellow even when I was fully aware that that was highly unlikely.  
  
There was that silence again. It was a bit longer this time, and I almost believed that he was going to stay quiet like that for the rest of the night. But he surprised me when he spoke, but those three small words spoke volumes.  
  
"It's...been awhile." I could hear the lingering, unspoken statement of 'since we last spent time like this' in his pensive tone.  
  
"Yeah...." I agreed.  
  
He was quiet for a minute or two, then, "Is something wrong?"  
  
I lifted my head, startled at his inquiry, and was met with concerned pools of dark green. The question was momentarily forgotten, my eyes fastened on his instead. This was one of the very few times I had actually seen both of his eyes; the close distance between us was the only reason why I was able to do so. My stare immediately adverted to my hands on my lap. "Why wouldcha think that?"  
  
His answer was short, simple, straight to the point. Oddly, it made me twitch in amusement. "You're fidgeting."  
  
Clearly, reason and logic was out of my head. I doubled over in laughter at his response, which only served to confuse him more. "You have an unusual sense of humor, y'know that, Trowa?"  
  
He leaned back a bit and slightly raised one eyebrow at me. Then snorted.  
  
I rolled my eyes.  
  
The tension had eased somewhat.  
  
"How is your job?" he prompted.  
  
"S'not exactly picture perfect, but s'not something I can't handle either." I remarked smoothly.  
  
Trowa stood up so suddenly, startling me. "Why are you doing this!" I really didn't know what to make of the demanding, worried, yet confused tone I heard.  
  
"Doing this? What are you talking about, Trowa?"  
  
He glared coldly at me. "Stop playing games with me, Maxwell. You know what I'm talking about."   
  
"Why don't *you*," I retorted, "stop playing games with *me*, Barton, 'cause I have no i-fuckin'-dea what the hell you're talkin' about!"   
  
"Why are you putting yourself through so much damn shit?" he growled. "Why won't you just dump your goddamn job and join us in Preventers!"  
  
I don't know what came over me but I was shaking with uncontrollable anger. "I will do whatever the fuck I wanna do, dammit. Thanks for your concern, but I happen to like my job, so fuck off!"  
  
"Bullshit!" he replied, heatedly. He suddenly grabbed my right wrist, and I struggled in his grasp, but his firm yet somehow gentle jerk snapped my head up to meet his fiery green eyes. "Look, Duo." He paused, and for a brief second, I could see him struggling to find the right words to say. After a few seconds, he finally sighed. "You have got to stop pushing yourself to the limit, Duo. Accept the past, accept yourself and let it all be. Join us in Preventers."  
  
What the hell? Accept my past, myself and let it all be? What the hell is he talkin' about! And who is he to talk to me about *that* topic! He 'n the others ain't exactly in paradise either!  
  
I should have spoke with more maturity, cooling down and discussing the matter with him, but instead, for some reason, I exploded.  
  
"No, *you* look, Trowa. I dunno how the fuck you got that ridiculous, crazed notion that I had some problem with myself and my past, but I ain't the one with the problems here." His eyebrows creased, and he frowned in confusion as I went on. "I'm not the one that only got the Preventer jobs, like you guys did, because it seemed like the 'right' thing to do. *You* guys are the ones that need to accept yourselves, accept that we were terrorists, and go out into the goddamn world to search for other jobs I know you guys can do. Instead, you guys are going on all of these dangerous field assignments because you guys think that that's the only shit you guys are capable of doing! Well, y'know what? Wake up and smell the coffee! You guys are the ones that have the problems, not me! So don't you be tellin' me that *I* need to do all of that shit when it's really *you guys* that're the ones that need ta do that!" I pulled my hand away from his grip and stormed off towards my room.  
  
"We have."  
  
That stopped me in my tracks and I abruptly spun around. "What?" I was too angry to figure out what he was saying.  
  
He simply stood there, doing nothing and standing almost casually, but I could see the slight stiffness in his shoulders and his tired yet determined expression. "I said, we have. The road was not once easy but in the end, we were able to. Each and every one of us has accepted our pasts and ourselves, and are slowly moving on. It's time for you to do the same, Duo."  
  
I said nothing. I stood there, feeling livid and...threatened, for some unknown reason. I didn't want to hear what he had to say, refused to find a truth, if any, in his words, refused to drown in the alluring green depths of his eyes. Then silently, angrily, I clenched my jaw and walked off.  
  
"Stop running, stop hiding, and wake up."  
  
I said nothing at his remark and slammed the door shut.  
  
---------  
  
"Well, Heero? You still haven't answered my question, you know."  
  
"I don't intend to." A scowl.  
  
"But it's not even a hard question! I mean, surely you'd know which part it is... Oh my god! You *do* know what's what, right?"  
  
A smack. "Of course I do! I am not stupid."  
  
"Hmph, if that's so, why won't you answer me then, huh?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Well? Why the hell *not!"  
  
He gave me a heated glare. "I will *not* tell you which part of the male body I find most attractive and pleasurable!"  
  
Every single commotion that went on around in the grocery store suddenly became still and silent, all other eyes focused on us two underage-looking, grocery-shopping teenagers with each a pair of shades and caps on. Heero's face immediately turned a fairly dark shade of red and he shot me a dark look before going down the aisle, away from everyone's watchful gaze.   
  
I grinned in response and jogged after him, pushing the cart of food as well. As the other customers went back to what they were doing, I couldn't help but snicker. I'm surprised Heero had lasted that long. It took me fifty-seven minutes and eleven seconds of constant persistence and utter annoyance before he finally cracked. I had to bite back the urge to laugh. Though, I must admit, after forty minutes, I was ready to give up and think that nothing could make the Perfect Soldier lose control. But clearly, I proved myself wrong and the outcome was worth it. Heero Yuy looks so damn *cute* when he's embarrassed. Even with the shades on.  
  
"Hey, wait up!" But instead, he picked up his pace without looking back.  
  
I followed him at a jog. "Aw, c'mon, man! You're not mad at me, are ya?" I slowed down and paused, a devious, playful smile plastered right on my face. "Well," I drawled, one hand holding my elbow as the other tapped my chin. "If you don't wanna talk to me, I can always continue to annoy the hell out of you even more...." I trailed off, eyes twinkling merrily.  
  
He did stop then and turned around, growling softly, "Duo...."  
  
"Yes?" came my innocent tone of voice.  
  
Shoulders slightly slumped, he let out a low sigh, an evident sign of defeat. I really couldn't resist giving an ear-to-ear grin at that. Not that I wanted to restrain myself in the first place….  
  
"Well, you have to admit," I began, "that scene back there did prove something useful."  
  
A nod, then. "Aa.... With our caps and sunglasses, and your hair tucked under your sweater, no one had recognized us." The flushed face prior had softened considerably then, almost into a smile. But it was gone nearly as fast, as he had changed the subject almost immediately afterwards. I wanted to show my disappointment and grumble about that but instead, I remained silent and neutral. I really didn't want him asking questions now.  
  
"Did you get the last thing on the list?"  
  
"Yep! The loaf of bread is right here," I say, lifting said item from the cart to prove it.  
  
"Let's get going then." I nod in agreement and followed him down the aisle to the cash registers' section.  
  
It didn't take a long time for the line to move and for it to be our turn. We loaded the food onto the conveyor belt and Heero stood in front of the cashier, ready to pay for our groceries. Meanwhile, I had caught sight of the chocolate and candy shelf to our right.  
  
"Hey, ol' buddy. ol' pal, oh dear best friend of mine!" I chirped, resting an arm on his shoulder with my weight half supported by his.  
  
"No."  
  
"Wha? Aww...but you don't even know what I was gonna say!" I protested.  
  
"There's no need. You want something and the answer is no."  
  
Swallowing down my surprise, I quirked an eyebrow at him. "Oh... So you think you know everything now? Amuse me then, tell me how you knew I wanted something."  
  
"You just told me." He tilted his head slightly and looked at me from the corners of his eyes. They danced in mischief as a smirk etched on his face.  
  
A gasp escaped me in horror and a tinge of anger but my eyes twinkled in amusement. "You sniveling, little...."  
  
"I know." His tone was more or so one of arrogance than it was of sorrow. I wanted to half burst out in laughter and half smack his cute ass - not literally, though I sure wouldn't mind...but instead, I had a feral grin (to keep my pride, mind you) and muttered, "asshole", instead. "Well, you know what?" I continued, poking his chest playfully for emphasis at the same time, "I'm gonna get what I want with or without your permission, Mister Cocky Bastard."  
  
I shifted my attention to the candy shelf once again smugly while he snorted in amusement and faced the cashier.  
  
There must have been...one, two, three...seven rows of candy and chocolate to choose from. With a quick skim through the top rows, each didn't seem to interest me, nor did they sound very good.... I lowered into a crouched position, then beamed at the more tasty looking and sounding, cavity-giving junk food. Okay, let's see...there's Snickers, Winterfresh, Twix, Sweet Tarts, Kit Kat, Starburst, Milky Way, Juicy Fruit....  
  
A sharp tug jerked my head back, and a couple more followed. Now, messing around with me is one thing, but to resort to pulling on my braid...now that's low. Heero could be Superman for all I care, but at this rate - I instinctively cracked my knuckles - I wouldn't be the only with a major headache.  
  
"Ow! Look, Yuy," I growled. "I don't care what the hell you want, but hands *off* the...." I swiftly snapped my head to face Heero, standing up at the same time. But Heero wasn't even looking at me, nor was he holding the end of my braid. A small thud sounded in the air ensued by a child's wailing right behind me. I followed Heero's gaze, intending to turn around, but instead was shoved rudely forwards. My balance was lost and my stumble forward led me falling right into Heero's arm, my head pillowed on his muscled yet soft chest.  
  
"Stay away from my baby, you jerk!" A woman's voice.  
  
But all I could focus on were...Warm, comfortable, musky and...detergent? Haha, it must be the shirt. He must've worn one of the clean shirts we had washed yesterday. It feels nice....  
  
Jesus fuck! What am I talking about? What must Heero be thinking! Shit, Maxwell! You - you idiot!  
  
I quickly pushed myself off of Heero and turned away. "Uh...yeah...sorry," I mumbled. My fingers fiddled the end of my braid, tugging my coat down to cover the length. I kept my head down; I only hope that the cap and shades would be able to hide the goddamn blush that was forming. Piece'a shit.  
  
"A braid..." I lifted my head up then, seeing the mother of the child, a girl, standing two feet away from me with her daughter sniffling by her side. "A man...brown hair...long braid...." The lady visibly paled and clutched her daughter closer to her as realization dawned. "You're a...." I shook my head, repeatedly praying that she wouldn't say it. "A Gundam pilot!" Aw, shit.  
  
"What?"  
  
"What did she say?"  
  
"There! Those two over there! Gundam pilots!"  
  
"They've probably come to rob the store!"  
  
"They're going to kill everyone here!"  
  
"Run for your lives!"  
  
"No! We can't let 'em get away den! Dey dink dey all bad jus' coz dey pilot a Gundam befo', 'eh! I won't letcha git away even if m'life depends on it!" One man picked up a canned soda and hurled it our way. We both managed to duck, and it hit the floor behind the cashier's stand.  
  
"He's right! Get them!" Everyone else began to pick up anything they can find from fruits, vegetables, canned foods, and who knows what else and began throwing it at us.  
  
"Shit!" Heero blocked a bag of frozen meat aimed towards his head. "Let's go, Duo!" he yelled over the chaos, one arm shielding his face, another one pulling me along with him. He wasn't the one fending off the flying foods and stuff.  
  
"Wait! Heero, our food..."  
  
"There's no time!"  
  
A searing pain exploded at the rear of my head, and I halted in shock. The move loosened Heero's grasp, and I fell backwards. My head hit the cold, hard floor. A horrible endless pounding on my skull was the only thing I registered for the next couple of long, time-consuming seconds. An unnerving darkness settled over me. Then, a familiar pair of arms unexpectedly enveloped me, and a firm but painless jerk released my braid from its unyielding captor. I opened my eyes and found myself looking at a blurry image of Heero's face. He was trying his best to block the oncoming assaults.   
  
Things didn't look very good.  
  
After a few more breaths, I was able to get my shit together - pushing the annoying headache to the rear of my mind under the "least of my concerns" file and focusing on the "getting us outta here" task instead. As if on cue, Heero turned to face me then, his intense, questioning pools seemed to have turned a few shades darker than usual.  
  
Knowing what he was asking without even voicing it, I answered with a dismissive, you-worry-too-much tone of voice. "No sweat, buddy! A little migraine ain't gonna stop Shinigami."  
  
I got to my feet and followed him to the exit. This time, I held onto my braid.  
  
I had to mentally smack myself stupidly for not noticing things before. Heero's appearance didn't look...right; I really wasn't used to seeing him look so...unclean. Our caps and shades had knocked off by the various projectiles. I was seriously tempted to give an ear-to-ear grin at how he looked but...nah, I valued my life, thank you very much.   
  
Anyhow, he was covered almost from head to toe in all kinds of food - it was like as if he had just walked out of a food fight, which he had, I guess. There was lettuce and brownies in his hair, some flour on his face and clothes, numerous "tomato-splats" all over and other delicious, unidentified stuff. I, myself, wasn't exactly Mr. Clean either but I was still better off than Heero.   
  
Unable to resist taking a closer look, I'd be drooling over the man of my wet dreams here - he looked waaay too good enough to eat, and kiss and suckle and...  
  
Gah! How could I be thinking about such things at a time like this! I sighed and focused on the exit to the grocery store, only ten feet away. Well, that certainly proves it. Under all of that 'we-never-were-children' aspect, I'm still another typical fifteen-year-old, hormone-driven teenager. The irony of it all.  
  
A group of civilians from the parking lot outside appeared at the entryway, effectively sealing our exit. But it was that that'd made us immediately skid to a stop. Some had food in their hands; others carried bats and metal pipes.  
  
"Aw, great. Just fuckin' great," I muttered.   
  
We both dived out of the way and into a roll as the carts were shoved forward. The abrupt movement must've triggered my aching head again because the pounding was back as a blaze of blinding white flashed before me. Slamming my eyes shut for the few treasured moments managed to erase the whiteness but clutching my head didn't help at all.  
  
Under all of the other hollering and swearing, I faintly heard someone shout my name. I opened my eyes to see my near-frantic friend, and a second later, a porcelain plate flew right past me and hit Heero on the forehead.  
  
"Heero!" Something seemed to click within me as I saw Heero stumble back and fall on his ass, all the while clutching his head in obvious pain. My own headache abandoned me and I immediately rushed towards his side, slipping an arm around him as I checked his head the best I could (considering that he was still clutching it). There was a pretty nasty cut on his forehead, just over his left eyebrow, one that was oozing blood more than I'd have liked.   
  
But seeing that streak of blood running down the side of his face had made *me* see red. Heero probably wouldn't be able to focus on much from the blood in his eyes. I helped him up to his feet. Snarling fiercely, I grabbed the nearest cart I could find and thrust it as hard as I could towards the civilians that were blocking the exit. They scattered, opening a pathway in the sea of chaos. I dashed forward with a still half-woozy Heero as the cursing seemed to grow louder behind us.  
  
---------  
  
I had never thought that I'd be so damn happy to see broad daylight instead of the artificial, fluorescent light they have when you're indoors. Despite the fact that it was nearly five thirty right now, it was still brighter outside than it was back inside. But I'm not complaining in the least. I was just glad we were finally safe.  
  
We'd managed to escape and after a half-hour of running and hiding, we were able to lose the angry mob without obtaining any more injuries than what we'd already gotten. Now, we were sitting peacefully at the edge of a beautiful lake at a secluded park, away from...well, everyone.  
  
Heero seemed to be coming around now - not that he had outright fainted earlier but his eyes weren't so glassy anymore. His head wound was only bleeding a little bit now, but there were blood smears all over his face. It would work perfectly had it been Halloween, but I couldn't summon up a grin knowing that it was *real* crimson on his face and not something artificial. But, well, other than that and the occasional grimace, he seemed to be alright now. No concussion or anything, so that was good. As for me, after all that tumult, the stupid throbbing headache was beginning to come back. But at least it had become more like a nagging, non-stop thump instead of that achingly loud pounding it was prior. Annoying, but bearable.  
  
"So how you feelin'?"  
  
He grunted. "I'm fine."  
  
"Liar," I muttered, suddenly unable to look at the bleeding gash anymore and feeling utterly like shit. Grabbing the hem my undershirt, I ripped a considerable amount off and soaked the fabric in the lake before squeezing out the excess.  
  
Brushing all of the food and flour out of his hair, he shot me a curious look. "Duo, what are you doing?"  
  
"We should at least tend to your wound before heading home."  
  
His hand reached out to try to get the cloth, saying, "Here, I can do it myself." I pulled my hand away.  
  
He looked confused, and seemed like he was about to say something but I guess I beat him to it. "Let me do it, yeah?"  
  
Maybe it was the small, unintentional hint of desperation in my voice or simply because he didn't seem to care much at the moment. He gave a non-committal grunt again and a slight nod in consent.  
  
His eyes slid close as I scooted closer and began to gently press the cloth against his open wound. There, his brow creased together just *barely* but I still saw it; this was the most Heero Yuy was going to show that he was in pain.  
  
A wave of guilt washed over me.  
  
The image of Heero running towards me because he was worried about my stupid ass suddenly flashed through my mind, hitting me like a ton of bricks. He had left himself wide open and gotten a fuckin' *head* wound for chrissake because of me - because I had wanted to buy some stupid candy in the first place! Argh!  
  
A strong hand suddenly wrapped around my wrist and a concerned - yet commanding - "Don't," made me open my eyes.  
  
I was only inches away from a pair of intense cobalt orbs that was staring right back at me. An unexpected thought squirmed its way into mind, telling me that the way Heero was staring at me and what he just said reminded me waaaay too much of last night, when Trowa did the exact same thing. Jesus.  
  
A chill crept its way up my spine without my request.  
  
Things began to feel really uncomfortable then. In any other situation, I would've done anything to get the man of my dreams to be gazing at me like this, giving me his whole attention like this, but I didn't feel at all giddy or ecstatic at the moment. (But really though, twice in less than twenty-four hours? I should be getting a gold medal for this.) Even while staring back only *inches* away from those ensnaring pools of cobalt, his slightly upturned nose, the slightly dry and parted lips, and the unbelievably fragrance that was just uniquely *Heero*, I felt damn uncomfortable.  
  
I am such a goddamn idiot.  
  
But I really couldn't help it! Just the intensity of his alert, hawk-like eyes made me uncomfortable. I felt like as if I was being poked and prodded, cut from the inside out and left *way* damn open for anyone to be able to take what they can see from within me and used against me. In short, I did *not* like the position I was in.  
  
I think I twitched in nervousness before suddenly finding the 'Twinkie-splattered' spot on my pants very interesting.  
  
"Duo, look at me." Jeez, I hate it when they use that tone of voice. There ain't no room for arguments or disobedience. Blah. I lifted my head.  
  
But whatever Heero was thinking, let alone feeling at the moment was a complete mystery to me. I couldn't read him at all.  
  
"Don't," he said sternly. "Just.." Now I was the one that was confused. "It's not your damn fault, Duo." My eyes widened in surprise. How did he...? Even with his eyes closed earlier, he could read me like an open book. "It's not like this is the first day we've been scorned like this," he said softly, letting go of my wrist.  
  
I nodded, almost in grave acceptance, as my teeth grate silently. "You're right." But it still doesn't hide the fact that the whole shit started 'cause of me, I silently added. Instead, I focused my concentration back on finishing wiping clean of the red stains on his face. Thankfully, it seems that the bleeding had stopped.  
  
He didn't say anything and neither did I. It would just seem really awkward if one of us would actually start talking right then.   
  
Not really sure how long we were quiet like thatm but I gradually felt calmer, more so than the shower last night. Around me, I could clearly hear the ducks splashing the water in the lake, the small movements of the leaves as they danced to the sway of the wind, and the crows that cawed in the sky. Everything seemed almost too surreal somehow, as if this brief moment of serenity was nothing but a mere fantasy, an illusion that will always be an arm's length away but we would never be able to reach it. I wanted to enjoy every second of what I *do* have.  
  
Heeo laid down, and I did, too, my hands tucked under my head and legs stretched out lazily. I looked up at the blue, blue endless sky, watching with a special warmth inside me as the white-gray clouds slowly floated by. Y'know, I think that would be the only time that I would thank The Asshole up there for giving me this little moment of peace, and to have Heero here sharing it with me.  
  
We remained quiet for a long time, lost in our own thoughts; my head didn't really have that annoying thump anymore either. I looked at Heero out of the corners of my eyes and he seemed...at peace, had been for the last hour or two. But then his brows suddenly creased and before it disappeared, I could've sworn a pained expression crossed his face.  
  
I turned my face to look at him. "You okay?"  
  
"Yeah, just...thinking," he replied softly. I nodded, relieved that it had nothing to do with the head injury. But now the question was, what could he be thinking about? Completely out of the blue, I thought about the whole day today.  
  
Breakfast this morning wasn't exactly great, considering the mild, unspoken tension between Trowa and me; he kept throwing unreadable glances at me which made *me* uncomfortable, not Heero, so I was sure it wasn't that. Then while driving to the gas station, everything had been fine so I was sure it wasn't something then, either. Blah...everything was fine up until.... So, does he regret asking me last night to come with him, instead of Trowa?  
  
"Arigatou, Duo." The whisper snapped me out of my thoughts; its softness caused it to be nearly lost to the wind.  
  
I raised a brow as I sat and looked at him. "Huh? For what?"  
  
He looked away. "For..." he trailed off. "Trowa...helping, everything.... For just being there." I had to strain my ears to here the last part but I heard it. "But there's no need anymore."  
  
Wha...? What's that supposed to mean?  
  
He sat up and ran a hand through his wild hair. "I meant Trowa. You don't need to help me anymore." He sounded so...defeated.  
  
I gave him a weird look. "...Why not?" He murmured something but even straining my ears, I couldn't hear what he said. "Say what?"  
  
His head whipped around so fast it startled me, although it wasn't that that'd caught me completely stunned on the spot. He was trying so hard not to cry, but I could clearly see the moisture in his eyes that he refused to shed. "Because I'm a complete fool to even think that he'd ever feel the same way for me in return!" He bowed his head, not wanting to have any eye contact with anyone. His fists clenched and unclenched for a few seconds before he suddenly got up and took off.  
  
His outburst shocked me, to say at the least. But the intense pain I saw in his eyes...it would make even the most ruthless person crack. Snapping out of my stunned state, I ran after Heero, following him down the evening streets.  
  
"Heero! Hold up, Heero!" There was no answer, not that I expected one anyway. But he didn't have to pick up speed, y'know. Well, not that I can blame him....  
  
"Heero! Come back!" An abrupt, painful pounding that I've soon come to loathe, struck through the back of my head, faltering my run altogether. I collapsed onto my knees as both hands gripped my head, attempting unsuccessfully to cease the pain. "Aw, fuck." Why now, why now! Of all the fuckin' times...Christ!  
  
I blurrily opened my eyes, struggling to get to my feet, still thinking of Heero. He shouldn't be alone, not now, I told myself. *I* can't let him be alone right now. He needs someone with him, to know that he ain't alone, to know that we're gonna be here no matter what. Shit, what if he takes off..? "Don't go...." A wave of pain directed itself at my head again.  
  
Argh! Stop fuckin' hurting already! Heero needs me, dammit! I gotta be there for him!  
  
"Duo!"   
  
Heero? Was that Heero's voice? Is he coming back?   
  
"Shit! Duo, I'm sorry!"  
  
I blinked. It *was* Heero, and he was coming back. Maybe, perhaps, the headache was a good thing after all. His footsteps came closer and I allowed myself some relief. Funny, the pain seemed to be lessening now.  
  
Heero helped me up and the both of us walked to the nearest bench at the bus stop, sitting side by side like how two best friends would.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said again.  
  
"Hey, it got you running back, didn't it?" I cracked a smile.  
  
He snorted but I could see the warmth in his eyes as he said, "You're an idiot, you know that?"   
  
Yeah...an idiot for failing in love with his best friend whose heart belongs to another, his other best friend.  
  
"But an idiot wouldn't know that he is one. So, does that mean that I'm not an idiot anymore, then?"   
  
He simply looked at me for a few seconds before genuinely chuckling; some of the pain in his eyes had dispersed.  
  
After we both quieted down from our laughter, he turned to me with all seriousness and concern. "Is your head still hurting?"  
  
"No, not anymore. Thanks," I smiled at him, as my hands caught his sleeve.  
  
His eyes turned to my hands before sighing as he read my silent determination. "I'm not going anywhere," he replied softly.  
  
"You wanna talk about it?"  
  
"I..." he looked at me with an unreadable expression. He sighed again and combed his hair with his free hand. "For the past couple of days, Trowa and I have eaten lunch together at Preventer HQ's. Usually it's the four of us, but...." I nodded in understanding. He obviously asked Trowa out on a few lunch dates. "With the first time where you helped set things up," I nodded again. He was referring to me messing up Trowa's car. "and everything else, he didn't seem...awkward or anything. So I thought, so I thought...." He got up and for a second there I thought he was going to leave again as his hand slipped away but he just took a few steps, needing his space.  
  
"So you thought that he felt the same or at least felt *something* for you, right?" I finished. He nodded in confirmation. "So what happened then?"  
  
He swallowed, eyes looking pained. "Yesterday at lunch, I asked him...I asked him if we could be more than friends. But right after I asked that, he just sat there, unmoving, and stared at me. I didn't know what the hell to think, except that it wasn't a good sign. And I was right too, because a couple of seconds later, without a single word, he just got up and ran off." Ohh... Ooo, that's bad....  
  
I realize that I haven't known Heero that long, but during and especially after the war, we had become so close to one another that nothing could tear us apart - not even if you used a gundanium crowbar to try to pry us apart. Well, maybe one thing...but that's the point here. Like I was saying, we were that inseparable - me, Heero, and Trowa. We were like the 'friends for life' three stooges or the 'all for one, and one for all' trio, the three musketeers. But never in the whole year and a half had I come to understand the whole package known as Heero Yuy had I seen him this hurt, this miserable, this...broken.  
  
And it was killing me to see him in this state.  
  
His lips barely moved that I'd almost missed what he said next altogether. "I didn't realize how much he hated me until then."  
  
I think I wanted to grab him and smack him senseless for even thinking that.  
  
But I refrained from doing so. His appearance of utter self-hatred and despair overwhelmed me. Perhaps I don't know everything about him. I don't think it's really possible to know *everything* about a person after all, but I do know one thing. I do *not* like seeing him depressed.  
  
Why? Other than the tiny fact that I'm in love with the guy (at least I think I am..), Heero is...Heero is...he's a teenager with the mind of an old guy (like all of us) that just don't deserve any of this shit. And especially after all of the shit we've been through, he at least deserve *some* happiness. They all do.  
  
I just stood there and watched him for a few seconds as his eyes suddenly seemed darker than usual; I didn't know what the hell to do. Something burned painfully within me and I didn't know why I took a step forward. It was like as if my body was moving all on its own but I didn't try to stop myself. The invisible pull towards Heero felt as though it was necessary of me to do so, felt as if it was the right thing to do at the moment.   
  
Before I knew it, my arms had wrapped around him, one arm stroking his back soothingly. "Heero," I whispered, "that's not true. Trowa could never hate you." No one could ever hate you....  
  
I should have thought about what I said before I actually said it. Of all the things I had expected, I did not anticipate the outburst I had received.  
  
He started to shake and the first thing that came to mind was that he was crying. But then, he twisted out of my arms and shoved me back, snarling heatedly at me. I wasn't aware of the stumble back that seated me on the bench, nor the mild dizziness I felt. All I could register then was the pain on his face.   
  
"What do you know! What the hell could you *ever* know! You weren't even fuckin' *there* when it happened so don't you dare tell me any of that bullshit, Duo! Don't you fuckin' dare!"  
  
I felt like as if he had stabbed me. Stabbed me with a dull, wooden spoon. If I hadn't already been sitting down, I couldn't guarantee that I would be standing on my own two legs at the moment.  
  
A small voice in my mind was telling me that he didn't really mean it, telling me that I shouldn't take it seriously because people always say things they regret saying when they're pissed off. But all I could hear was the mantra that had popped out of nowhere.  
  
He's right. I wasn't even there.... When Heero needed me, I wasn't there. I wasn't there…I wasn't there....  
  
I wanted to jump off a cliff just so the sickness I felt would just go away.  
  
"...got to believe me, that's not what I meant...."  
  
It took me awhile to realize that Heero had said something. When it finally clicked in my slow brain, along with a horrified Heero hovering over me, I blinked and looked up at him with a soft smile. I have my good acting skills to thank for summoning up that expression. "It's alright, Heero, I understand. I know what you meant." And I did too. He meant that I wasn't there at that time to see what had happened so I couldn't have known anything. But even knowing that, it still didn't wash away the pain and guilt I felt.  
  
I shook my head and slapped an arm around him. "Heero, Heero, Heero. I swear to God you're such a stick in the mud." He shot me a confused expression. "Look, me, you, and Trowa. We're best friends, right?" He gave me a slow nod, obviously having no clue as to where this conversation was going. "And best friends could never hate one another, right?"  
  
"I guess...." he trailed off, still unsure.  
  
"Mm...how 'bout this," I said thoughtfully. "Okay, lessay that I were you and you were Trowa. I really like you a lot, but weren't sure if you liked me. And lessay that if, and I *only* mean *if*, you don't like me, how would you feel then?" The reality of it all...only in truth, I already *know* that he doesn't like me. I wanted to laugh at that. I wanted to cry too.  
  
I felt the urgent need to just get out of here, but I couldn't. It would only rouse more suspicion.  
  
Heero's eyes squinted in a reflective mode. "I guess...sad because I don't feel the same way back and...guilt."  
  
"But not hate, right?" He shook his head. "There, see? I told you Trowa doesn't hate you."  
  
Relief showed on his face, before he frowned again. "So then, why did he just run off without saying anything?"  
  
I tapped my chin for emphasis, now in thinking mode. There were so many off topic things that weaved its way into my mind but I willed myself to focus on the problem at hand. And so I thought. Thought about Trowa, his character and what he would think if someone said such a thing to him. I knew that his social skills weren't any better than Heero's, and he also has trouble expressing himself as well. Maybe...maybe everything was moving too quickly for him and he couldn't handle it.  
  
"I'm not sure, but I think a huge possibility could be that Trowa wasn't used to any of those things. I doubt he's been in a relationship before, so maybe he had no idea, and you surprised him. Maybe that's what made him run off," I suggested.  
  
"Yeah, I think you're right," he concurred. "Maybe I was moving too fast...."  
  
"Hey, don't feel bad. Just talk to him and move at his pace. You guys have all the time you've got. There's no rush at all. Besides, you moving too fast doesn't mean that he doesn't like you," I reasoned. "Trowa's just not comfortable with things yet, y'know?"  
  
"Yeah," he said warmly, "I understand."  
  
"Good," I nodded in satisfaction. "Just remember that I'll be here when ya need me," I winked.  
  
"Duo..." There was that guilty, pained look again.  
  
"Hey, no harm done!" I waved him off dismissively and stood up. "I get whatcha mean, pal, and that's what counts, right?"  
  
He sat there for a couple of seconds staring at me. That only resulted with me giving him a quizzical look. "What, buddy? Do I got ketchup on my face or something?" I grinned.  
  
He only shook his head and then got up as well, giving me a tender smile. The only think I could think of was that it was beautiful. *He* was beautiful. He reminded of a priceless crystal on a window display. Beautiful to see yet out of reach. You stand there, watching it for minutes, hours...admiring its beauty, and can only watch as someone else wraps it up and takes it home. Then both are off, together, without you.Shaking my head with a wistful smile and turning about, before anyone could see it, I headed towards home with Heero following in tow.   
  
"Arigatou, Duo. You're..."  
  
I turned to him, grinning. "I'm what? Irresistible? Charming? Gorgeous? Ah, but of course! How can Duo Maxwell not be!"  
  
"Yeah, all of that and more," he chuckled.  
  
I raised my eyebrow in surprise, before chuckling and dismissing the whole outrageous thought that popped out of the blue. "Y'know, Yuy," I voiced aloud, "if I hadn't known better, I'd have thought you were hitting on me." But only a fool would think that.  
  
"Perhaps...." was his smooth, sly reply. Damn, I did not expect *that* response from him. Even knowing he's only messing with me, I still can't help but flush. I felt surprisingly warm yet angered at the same time. Warm that there could be hope, and angered because only a fool would think there's hope, only to be shot down later without a seconds thought. Damn you, Yuy.  
  
"Is that a *blush*, Maxwell?"  
  
I opened my mouth to protest that it was anything but a blush, however, a loud explosion cut off both of our laughter. We both spun around almost immediately, only to see a second detonation unleash itself a few blocks away at a towering grey building, in the same location as the first. The dark grey smoke filled the air, immediately darkening the sky even more as the fire continued to be ablaze. Heero and I stared, stunned, as it dawned on us what had happened.  
  
"Preventer HQ's!"   
  
----------  
  
tbc...  
  
---------- 


End file.
